


Even scars fade with time

by carsandtelephones37



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Dermatillomania, Hurt/Comfort, I'm so happy that's a tag, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lee Taeyong Needs a Hug, Pillow & Blanket Forts, Self-Harm, Soft Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Soft Kim Jungwoo (NCT), Sort Of, Taeyong bites at the inside of his mouth when he gets nervous, graphic description of self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:35:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22207987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carsandtelephones37/pseuds/carsandtelephones37
Summary: Taeyong hurts himself when he feels anxious. It isn't on purpose, and it isn't in the usual way either. He picks at his skin and chews the inside of his mouth. It's been getting worse lately.A fluffy fic where Taeyong needs a hug and gets one. He gets a lot actually.
Relationships: Kim Jungwoo & Lee Taeyong, Lee Taeyong & Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Lee Taeyong & Everyone
Comments: 3
Kudos: 211





	Even scars fade with time

Taeyong’s hands were shaking.

Whenever this happened, he was filled with this strange sensation, almost like an itch under his skin. He didn’t usually just sit still though, his hands would make their way under his sleeves, searching unconsciously for bumps or imperfections. Then he would scratch until he bled.

He wasn’t sure what made him start doing it, but he was certain the stylist noonas hated him. Before his skincare routine kicked in, he spent half his days as a trainee trying to cover up the scabs that covered him. His shoulders, neck, arms, even the sides of his face. He didn’t mean to do it, but after a few minutes riding in the van he’d pull his hand away from under his shirt only to find his fingers covered in blood.

Now he was sitting on the floor of the training room, drenched in sweat, and his hands were shaking. He bit his lip. If he stayed on the floor, listening to the managers talk, he’d psych himself out and the stylists would make him wear thick long sleeves shirts for the next month. He shuddered, anything heavy onstage always made him overheat and feel like he was going to die. He had to resist.

Taeyong settled for chewing on the inside of his mouth. Before long, the inside of his mouth tasted like copper and he desperately wanted to spit out the dead skin swishing around against his tongue. 

He excused himself and nearly ran to the men’s room at the end of the hall. He spat into the sink and turned on the faucet. Blood and saliva mixed together and washed down the drain. In the mirror, his lips were dark red. He felt disgusted with himself.

He gargled water until all the liquid he spat out was clear. The cold water soothed the now open sores on his cheeks. His hands had stopped shaking. 

-

On the trip home, he sat by the window, resting his head against it and staring out at the city passing by. He hadn’t spoken since returning from the bathroom earlier. He was too afraid that someone would see the bite marks on his lips. Jungwoo nudged him with his elbow.

“You alright Hyung? You seem really quiet,” He looked up and Jungwoo was staring at him, he looked like a confused puppy.

Taeyong melted a little, “Yeah, just a bit nervous I guess. The schedules are getting longer and I don’t feel ready for it.” 

Jungwoo tilted his head (Oh jesus christ, he looked like a golden retriever) “Do you want to talk about it at all?”

Taeyong smiled at him, “It’s alright, but do you want to watch a movie tonight? You can pick.”

Jungwoo eyed him curiously, “Will you eat snacks with me?”

Taeyong bit his lip. Jungwoo loved eating, so much so that he could probably rival Lucas, their resident garbage gut. But if he said no, Jungwoo would probably stare at him sadly the whole night and bug him.

Taeyong nodded, “Alright, let's have snacks and watch movies. That will cheer up Hyung.”

-

They did end up with plenty of snacks, even some ice cream that somehow hadn’t all disappeared from the freezer. Instead of movies they started watching cheesy dramas, cheering at the happy parts and throwing pillows when the characters made bad choices. Taeyong felt happy, like all the stress that was tugging at him was loosening up a little.

After the fifth episode of one drama they’d taken a liking to, Taeyong got up to put away the ice cream bowls and use the bathroom. He passed Ten in the hallway, who stopped him.

“Hyung, are you sure nothing’s wrong?”

Taeyong grew nervous, Ten was possibly the most difficult to lie to. He had a piercing stare and honest to god didn’t blink enough. 

Not trusting his own voice, he just nodded.

“Can I see your arms please?” Ten held out his hands, waiting for Taeyong to let him inspect him.

Taeyong sighed and walked closer. He let Ten roll up his sleeves. His arms were fairly clean, There were only a few chicken bumps that he hadn’t been able to resist digging at. Still, Ten twisted his arms this way and that, making sure he hadn’t been picking or peeling too hard at the dry skin. 

Making a slight clicking noise with his mouth, Ten stood back a little and Taeyong took a deep breath.

Ten pulled out his phone and turned the flashlight on. 

“Say Ahh,” Ten put his fingers on Taeyong’s chin, pushing slightly so he’d open his mouth.

Ten inhaled sharply and Taeyong felt nervous tears start welling up as he opened his mouth. He knew it was pretty bad. Eating crunchy foods had only irritated the puffy sores further, and even though the ice cream helped numb the inside of his mouth, he could feel the inside of his cheeks throbbing slightly.

Ten hugged him, rubbing a hand over his back “I’m not mad, I promise. Don’t be scared. I’m just worried because I care about you,”

He grabbed Taeyong by the hand and led him to the bathroom to sit on the counter. Taeyong felt like a child. Ten dug through the medicine cabinet for a minute until he found a small tube of Orajel. He filled a small paper cup with water and had Taeyong swish it around his mouth for a bit and spit in the sink. 

When Ten had deemed his mouth clean enough, he instructed Taeyong to open his mouth so he could put the ointment on the inside of his cheeks. 

“I can see better anyways, I don’t mind,” he explained, looking into Taeyong’s mouth.

Taeyong sat compliantly. When Ten was finished, he felt like the entire inside of his mouth was numb. At least they did this after he and Jungwoo had eaten snacks. Taeyong wasn’t sure he wanted to try eating while his mouth felt like cotton. 

Ten stepped back, “Feel better?”

“Yeah, just tastes funny I guess,” Taeyong hopped off of the counter, “Thank you, Ten.”

Ten stared at him again with that sharp look, “Will you come talk to me if you feel like doing this again? Or any of us honestly, I think Johnny might have had a mild heart attack if he saw what I just saw, but he’d want to help you too. We care about you Taeyong. You might be my hyung and our leader but that doesn’t mean you don’t need help from us too.”

Taeyong stared at his feet. He knew in his heart that he was loved, and that his groupmates were his family, but when every comeback and debut was sending him to new places and joining new groups, it was hard not to feel.. Alone.

Ten shook him from his thoughts by grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the bathroom and back into the living room, where Jungwoo was still on the couch, scrolling through his phone. Ten gently pushed Taeyong on to the couch, and held up one hand.

“Give me five minutes.”

-

Sometimes, it was nice having such a big ‘family’. It certainly had its downsides, like the fact that there was never enough hot water, or that he was pretty sure Lucas had accidentally used his toothbrush while he slept over at the dorm, but it also had its perks. This being one of them:

True to his word, Ten was back within five minutes. He didn’t come back alone, though.

He had several blankets in his arms and following behind him was Johnny, towering over him and carrying five whole pillows at once. Doyoung, Yuta, half the dreamies, Taeil, and even Mark were behind them, crowding the hallway and holding an array of plushies and quilts.

Ten dropped his blankets in the middle of the living room. “I told them it was an emergency, so everybody else will probably be home soon, but I also told them it was a blanket fort kind of emergency so like, nobody’s getting speeding tickets.”

Taeyong felt his whole heart melt. Yeah, big families were awesome.

They spent the next half hour arranging pillows and blankets into a huge nest on the floor. Chenle showed up with a duffle bag and a lot of hugs, Jaehyun and Haechan pretty much collapsed after greeting everyone. Lucas even made an appearance, which Taeyong was grateful for, and slightly scared, because he came in while screaming and holding an ungodly number of grocery bags full of snacks.

Ten and Jungwoo forcibly dragged Taeyong into the middle of the nest and everyone else crowded around. They turned back on the drama he and Jungwoo had been watching, catching the others up on what had happened. Chenle fell asleep with his head on Taeyong’s leg, Jaemin was accidentally dropping cheeto dust straight into Jeno’s hair, and Yuta was whispering comments in Japanese to Ten, who was nodding his head in that way that meant he didn’t know what was happening but would never admit it.

NCT was crazy, but they were Taeyong’s. He looked at his hands and noticed they weren’t shaking, not even a little. He knew it would probably still come back, but it was a nice reminder to know he didn’t have to do it all alone. Even if he did have to travel a lot, he knew he could always come back home.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't been writing lately, mostly because I realize I've never taken the time to just practice writing. This isn't edited, I mostly wanted to prove to myself that I could just write a short scenario that I wanted, rather than the long fics I've tried to plan out in the past. Thank you for reading and hopefully I'll have many more fics written in the future!!


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